An Introduction to My Messy, Colourful & Glorious Journey

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Okay, so first of all- I've got a confession to make: I wasn't born tidy, organised or even remotely with my shit together! I had undiagnosed ADHD for 37 years of my life...

 Despite the Executive functioning challenges, I learned so many strategies & tools along the way that helped me to flourish. I use a lot of these in my practise still today & I meet so many inspiring, intelligent & highly capable women that have developed their own ingenious coping techniques along the way too. But I didn't always cope well... 

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My childhood was loving, but tough. I was often punished for things that I now understand to be signs of my Adhd... such as being late, struggling to focus and disorganisation. No matter how hard I tried to explain it wasn't my fault, I was met with impatience and a lack of understanding that was very damaging on my psyche- something I often recognise in other late diagnosed Adhders.

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In my teens, I slipped into the clutches of addiction & became co-dependent, depressed, anxious and suicidal. I developed eating disorders, engaged in abusive relationships & took so many drugs, that I'm amazed that I didn't die. I got to the point where I would wake up everyday & take something to help me focus & then binge in the evenings to escape from reality. Drugs stripped me & everything around me of vitality. My fall from grace was monumental- I lost everything & almost everyone. I had no home. I was sleeping on living room floors, living out of bags & worst of all- I didn't even care. I just couldn't stop. After years of living that way, I experienced a brutal rock bottom that woke me up & I was presented with a choice: continue this way & die, or find a way to live. I chose to live & began my healing journey at the age of 22.

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It's wild to believe that I once thought I wouldn't live to see 22 & here I am, almost 40 with a greater understanding as to why that even happened to me in the first place.

Experiencing suicidal thoughts, struggling with mental health, a loud inner critic & addiction issues are so common with late diagnosed Adhd.

Part of the reason I am so passionate about telling this part of my story is to demonstrate what has been proven by research since- children who are diagnosed & treated for Adhd earlier, are less likely to fall into addiction with recreational drugs when they are older. 

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My life improved dramatically when I stopped letting substances leech off of my life force... yet it is still one of the hardest things I have ever done (& I've done some hard things) I compare beating addiction to taming a dragon & successfully chaining it up in a cave... if people understood what it takes to beat addiction, there would be more respect for people who endure this living nightmare. 

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 My life continues to get better the more I say 'no' to things that aren't good for the health of my brain. In recent years, I've also given up alcohol.

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 My healing journey is a very real, flawed and human one. It's been messy, it's been uncomfortable & it's also been glorious, loving & unpredictable. It still is. Because once you commit to healing, you realise it isn't linear, but rather circular, in that it never ends. 

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 During my early days of recovery, I moved to New Zealand, got knee deep in my spiritual quest (which I had been on for years - yes, someone off their face on drugs can be into spirituality too!) without anything in my way, with a new environment, with a new group of people around me & a fresh start, I had nothing to lose. I made many mistakes during my early days of recovery. And I'm still making mistakes, I hope, I always will be, because I'm still learning & I've grown to love that. 

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Recovery has been less about learning how to to stay clean and more about learning how to live, how to embrace fear & failure & all the wisdom that it offers. It has taught me that I am not my mind & how to vet all the lies it tells & to consume mindfully. 

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A key piece of information I learned during my early 20's that helped me to start thriving, was that I have a highly sensitive nervous system. I am an Empath & Highly Sensitive Person (many of my clients are too). It was learning this truth about myself that meant I had the language to find the information I needed to learn strategies, tools & create self care routines that nourished & sooth my system rather than constantly pushing it into burnout. What I didn't realise at the time, was that this also benefited my Adhd.

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 Roll forward almost two decades later, when the universe sent me Adhd woman after Adhd woman in my Coaching practise at 37; I was not burned out, lost or desperate for answers because of all that I had learned. Yet, take away my diaries, headphones & organisational systems- my life can still fall apart like a house of cards, even today, because I have Adhd & I can't get rid of that, but I can manage it.

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 Finding my Adhd has been a final puzzle piece that has answered many questions about my life, Most importantly, it has helped me to have greater compassion & insight which has been immensely healing.

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 I am happier than I have ever been because I finally found my puzzle piece. I finally found answers to questions that I never thought would be answered. I finally found people who understood me & I get to help & meet so many amazingly kind, talented & generous souls. 

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 I understand that Adhd can be so challenging that it's hard to see this as a gift at all, but every shadow is born from light & every person with Adhd has great assets & qualities too... just because we struggle, just because we get raptured in despair, it does not mean that hope has gone, or that better moments will not arrive. When you cannot see the sun, do you doubt that is still there? Please remember that next time you doubt yourself. 

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I have been working with people in various capacities for almost two decades now: from Coaching, to Mentoring, Interviewing & Journalism, Managing & Motivating. My experience is rich, deep & beyond price. My approach is person-centred & I am always creating unique content to tailor to my clients needs. Though I am a trained Coach, it is my life experiences & lessons that is most valuable. I am always training still & work in Mental Health alongside my own practise where I am continually learning about the way the system functions & areas of improvement to help others... Innate Neurodevelopmental conditions, such as Adhd and Autism often overlap with Mental health conditions & in some cases they are still mistaken for one another. Misdiagnosis is a very real, very important issue that I come across very often in Coaching late diagnosed Adhd and Audhd women. This is something I want to see change. 

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I am currently training to provide Therapy as well as Coaching. Read more about my Professional CV below.

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